So, I’m gonna shoot you cats a heads up on my imminent (but temporary) absence from blogging on this site. I’m gonna try to teach myself enough about web design as I can for the next two weeks or so. Hopefully, after I’m done stumbling around intoxicated with a haphazard knowledge of CSS, PHP, and HTML, I can re-design this veggielovin’ site and put my own personal toush on it.

I may or may not see this through. I have enough of a working knowledge about these things to not be completely out of my element, but we’ll see, no?

It doesn’t seem too difficult, but then again, that whole PVR fiasco took a bit longer than expected, so who I am foolin’? Why must I be so GT? Why? Why couldn’t I just be like all the other skanks out there and brandish a bill or so to purchase a legitimate premium WordPress theme? Ay yi yi, the things we do to bust a hyperlinked programming nut…

Who knows, maybe if I’m successful in my attempts, then I could even design a header logo for The Hamster (spitefulcynic.com). Apparently, he got banned from Craigslist because he offered $35 to anyone who could design a website logo for him. Geeks across The A united against him and bombarded him with hate mail proclaiming how asinine it was to “only” pay $35 for an hour’s (maybe less) worth of work. Shit, maybe he should re-post? After all, it is officially a recession now; IT folks may have become as desperate for work as the rest of us.

However…If I’m successful in my WordPress endeavor, I will lowball the hell out of their pocket-protector rockin’ asses. Shit, how does FREE sound, Hamster? Hellz yeah. Now, if The Hamster voluntarily chooses to compensate me, I cannot say that I’d be the bigger man and refuse his monetary indulgence.

But, anyways, if you want to keep yourself updated with this site to know when I post next, just subscribe to the RSS feed.

I may or may not post a few items while I’m gettin’ my geek on. Hell yeah I grunt when I get my GT on…WHAT!!!

There are a few of you cats out there who already have WordPress based sites, so if all things go rather swimmingly, I’ll share my experiences in a post so you cats can have an informational reference on this matter.

By the way, you have got to corazon the iPhone (that would be a great t-shirt idea, “I CORAZON the iPHONE” – it even rhymes). I just blogged this entire post perched atop my porcelain BFF. Has your foot ever fallen asleep because you’ve been on the can too long? This seems happens to me at least once a week or so (more often than not at work). But this time, both of my feet have hit the snooze as I finish this blog in the water closet at my job.

I guess it’s the price you gotta pay for havin’ the iPhone.

Por fin.  I am tantalizingly close to finishing up my PVR (Personal Video Recorder) project.  It’s taken two fortnights to get to this point (3 weeks longer than expected), but I am nearly done.  All that’s left to be done are a few minor tweaks.  I will post an informational write-up sometime in the next week or so detailing the process (and the many issues I struggled with).

By the way, I think I’m going to revamp/retool/renovate this website of mine in the near future.  Something slightly more professional and organized.   Stay tuned for that.

Anyways, on to a few random thoughts that have been ricocheting around in my scatterbrained mind.

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist.  The classic example of wanting something to be better than it is – and nearly being able to coerce yourself into believing that.  Similar to dining at a high-end establishment.   Impeccable decor and intriguing ambiance can easily bamboozle you into forming a biased opinion of an establishment’s culinary offerings.  Sometimes, you have to strip down a product to its core and ignore the extraneous accompaniments and decorations.  Only then can you make an honest and fair judgment.  This is how I felt about Nick & Norah’s.  It was a good movie that I wanted to be great.  I wanted it to be better than it was.  I’m not claiming culpability for classifying this movie as a disappointing flop, because I am not doing that at all.  I actually liked this movie…just not as much as I think I wanted to.  I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry between Nick (Michael Cera) and Norah (Kat Dennings).  Plus, I found certain parts of the movie slightly cliche and borderline cheesy.  But, it was a good flick; just not up to par with what I expected.  In my opinion, the best thing about this movie was that it offered a more pedestrian cinematic visualization of New York City.  Man oh man do I have a crush on the Big Apple.   It’s like the girl that got away.

Anyways, I’ve begun to feel increasingly stagnant over the past month or so.  I haven’t been to the airport in 5 months.  That is a lifetime for me.  I gotta take a mini-break or something in the next month or so.  Get away for a weekend.

I’ve thought long and hard (well, more like infrequently and lackadaisically) about the state of my life and my current approach towards it.  I don’t know exactly know if I’m more indifferent or ambivalent about the state of affairs in my life.  I’m leaning toward the latter.  For example:  dating.  In a cashew shell, to oversimplify the matter, if I ain’t interested, I’m disinterested.  I believe that dating has only reinforced this.  I have no need to keep someone around because of a fear of being lonely.  So, unless it “feels right”, I am inclined to stay single.  I’ve dated more in the past 6 months than I probably had in the previous year or so, so at the least, I have a better sample size to use as a premise for a more accurate assessment of my negligent attitude towards dating.  Over under on me getting married by the age of 30?  I’m hedging my bet on the over.  It’s odd how a large majority of my friends find themselves in the same predicament.  I sometimes wonder why so many of us are still unattached with no imminent prospect of marriage in the near future.  Conceivably, we could all be in our 30′s and still single.  Who would’ve saw that coming?  Definitely not our ‘rents, I’ll tell you that.  They must be scratching their heads contemplating our sexual orientation at this point.

I’m still holding out hope that it’ll feel right when it does; that what is meant to be will be.  If not, then I’m already calling shotgun on being that creepy 35-year old, receding hairline “geriatric fuck” trying to mack jailbait hotties into making a mistake all the while impressively seducing with my salsero prowess.  True story:  there is actually a guy like this.  I’ve seen him on multiple occasions at Opera and Cosmo/Lava spitting mad game to women half his age.  And, for whatever reason, he is ALWAYS doing salsa.  Definitely a cheeseball that I have designated as my role model. I’m already losing touch with pop culture, so whose to say I won’t be “that guy” even sooner than that?  Let all of us pray that it doesn’t ever get to that point.  I’d rather fling singles at a professional shoe model I have a squadoosh chance of copping a legitimate feel (“Chicka, Chicka yeah“) than to be “that guy” at the club.

But, surely…that won’t be me.  Right?  Right?  You’d be a fool to think so…but you’re not a fool….are you?

Swatchmen

Alimony is a bitch!  I’m like a deadbeat daddy infrequently visiting his offspring.  This site has become my bastard child.  I’m increasingly neglecting this bad boy each passing month.

I’m raising my hand and accepting full responsibility for my negligence.  To be frank and honest, another “project” has swallowed up my free time.  That project, that never-ending frustrating project would be my quest to build a faux-Tivo (a PVR), but I will get to that in a later post.  I’ve been too damn scatterbrained these past few months – too easily distracted and deterred.  Let’s hope that I can somehow change that in the coming months.

I’m toggling through frequencies channeling my inner Jake Delhomme, licking my fingers repeatedly in anticipation.  I’ve been AWOL for a minute and some change, so please believe I got a few thoughts I need to electronically scribble down.

First things first, I would be doing an enormous disservice to moviegoers if I didn’t share my hate…err…opinion about the latest graphic novel/superhero flick “(S)Watchmen”.   The fact that this movie received an overall rating of 65% on Rotten Tomatoes (which is actually pretty decent) solidifies the fact that 65% of this great nation of ours…is on crystal meth…or blind.  This was an ATROCIOUS piece of cinematic gaah-bage.  The kind of crap that can only get pushed out of one’s intestines.  And nearly 3 hours long?  “Watchmen” was supposedly an accurate depiction of the graphic novel.  If that is the case, then how the hell is this the most popular graphic novel of all-time?  Three words can sum up my opinion about this movie:  Wiggity.  Wiggity.  Wack.  That’s all that’s needed to be said…but…I (obviously) will expound a little more on my most regrettably spent $10 of 2009 (and I’ve been to the strip club!).   First off, a superhero movie without action is about as appealing as a porno without sex.  Jenna Jameson is shaking her head right now.  So, not only did “Swatchmen” have limited, pedestrian action, but the acting was horrible.  The only character (and acting performance) that saved this movie from being thrown into the 300 “Pit of Death” with “Good Luck Suck” and “Miami Vice” was that turned in by Rorschach (the cat with the inkblot mask on his face).

The love scenes were uncomfortable enough to make an adolescent teen cringe and a Cambodian tranny whore consider a vow of celibacy.  Think I’m embellishing a bit?  Then download the torrent (please DO NOT…I emphatically reiterate, DO NOT throw down cash for a movie ticket).  If you somehow support this movie financially, then I will hunt you down and Jack Bauer-interrogate your ass.  Waterboarding will feel like a handjob in comparison to what I’ll do to you.

Another thing.  When exactly did “Swatchmen” become “10th and Piedmont”?   Sky blue genitalia was dangling on-screen seemingly every other shot.  I mean…cmon Dr. Manhattan…put on some draws!  Hey, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t adverse to spotting a man’s junk on camera, but repeatedly?   We kind-of-sort-of got the point the first time we saw him clone himself into a menage-a-trois machine.   As if that wasn’t awkward enough, Dr. Manhattan goes into a 15+ minute monologue (on Mars – yes, the planet Mars) detailing how he became who he is.  Hands down the most boring 15 minutes of cinema I’ve seen in quite some time.

This movie was disappointing on every level.  I wasn’t even impressed with the cinematography of the movie (like I was with Sin City and 300).  The best part of the movie was the opening credits.  From that point on, the movie quickly accelerated (more like nose-dived) downhill.  The comic book/graphic novel geeks must have hatched a conspiracy to ensure this movie’s success.  Positive reviews from “legitimate” critics?  A big opening weekend?   How did any of that even happen?  Who in their right mind could enjoy this movie?  The highlight of the evening was that the movie ended in enough time for me and my crew of cool cats to grab a slice of pie from Fellini’s before they closed at midnight.  Thank God we caught the 8:30 show.  Thank God.

Months and months ago, I wrote an inflammatory post insulting Dane Cook (among others) and implored him to cease making movies.  I received a ton of comments on that post – mostly defending Dane Cook.  So, I’m pretty sure that there will be a myriad of comments defending this indefensibly disappointing movie.

I was going to write about a few other things, but I guess that my Swatchmen angst hijacked this post.

It’s fiddeen after 12.  I’m ’bout to catch up on some SportsCenter highlights and hit the hay.

What a chill ass weekend I’ve had. It’s funny how a weekend of monotony and inactivity can rejuvenate you.  Laziness was feeding me grapes in a bikini while I relaxed on my couch noshing on faux-beef fajitas and sippin’ on soda pop.  After catching an episode of Entourage on HBO this past Friday, I figured that I’d download the latest season (Season 5) and watch it. I must admit…the praise that this show has received is well deserved. I wasn’t exactly chugging the bottle of hype that’s been circulated around the past 5 years or so about this show…but I am now.  It tickled enough of my viewing fancy for me to also download seasons 1-4.  I finished season 5 yesterday and decided to start from the beginning today.   About an hour or so ago, I got done with Season 1 and am gonna work my way back up to Season 5. Mad props to Wahlberg and the crew for having the genius to bring this show to the Home Box Office.

I went to a vegan/veggie friendly joint called Ria’s Bluebird in East Atlanta on Memorial Drive this past weekend. Nice joint to get brunch/breakfast at. I ordered two eggs scrambled with Soysage and skillet potatoes on the side.  Everything on my plate was on point.  Definitely a place worth returning to (which I will).  I would say that it’s comparable to the Thumbs Up Diner on Edgewood – but I like Ria’s better.  I find it amazing that the same stretch of Memorial Drive that folks wouldn’t even considering traversing through years ago is now a hip hotbed for young, urban professionals in the city. I’ve said this many times before, but it’s very Brooklyn-ish – and I friggin’ love Brooklyn, so I’m glad that we have an area in the city like this. It’s a good escape from the cosmopolitan atmosphere of Midtown. Although…where would a rave be without a rant? I think that the revitalization of an urban area is a great thing, but why must all the hip and chic new restaurants be so overpriced? One day, it’s a lower income neighborhood and a few years later, it’s a hipster hangout that charges 5 bucks a beer and $10 for a burger. Really? I thought the whole idea of the hipster and indie movement was to wrestle away from the commercial and corporate? But…we starve for anything that resembles a departure from the normal…so…we pay, shut our mouths, and enjoy the ambiance.

I saw Gran Torino last week. Another solid movie put out by Clint Eastwood. This man is money. Might as well change his film name to Federal Express…because that man delivers. Was it as good as Million Dollar Baby? No. But…that is the sign of a great director. When you’ve made so many great movies that everyone expects the next to be better than the previous. In Gran Torino, Eastwood plays Walt Kowalski, a Korean War vet who moves back to his old neighborhood following his wife’s funeral. Much to his chagrin, his neighbors are Asians. Their kindness gradually weathers away Walt’s bigoted mindset and he grows fond of the neighbor’s children. Because of his unexpected and newfound relationship with his neighbors, Walt finds himself immersed in the conflictual relationship between the neighborhood and the local Asian gang. That is the basic premise of the movie. It’s pretty interesting how Walt’s neighbors are unaffected by Walt’s perpetually narrow-minded and prejudiced epithets. They look beyond his disparaging remarks and ignorant perspective and see a misunderstood man that’s capable of good. Plus, like I said previously, any movie about a flagrant racist makes for interesting theater – and that it did…that it did. If anything, this movie may serve as a renaissance for the revival of forgotten slurs.  Zipperheads? Gooks? Spooks? Like Randal says in Clerks II, maybe Eastwood’s “bringing it back“.

Yo yo yo…just when you thought that I went permanently AWOL….I’M BACK!!!

I was able to miraculously avoid posting a unsavory squadoosh in the post department last month (I somehow ended up writing 1 post).  December was quite a hectic couple of fortnights.  I broke my pledge of allegiance to this blog.  I neglected it…but hopefully…I can somehow remedy that in the coming months.

By the way, I can’t believe I am actually admitting this…but…I’m watching “A Double Shot At Love” on MTV…and it’s quite entertaining.  It’s the 2nd time I’ve seen this show and it isn’t half bad.  Will I keep up with this show?  Probably not (especially considering that 24 is starting this coming Sunday).  I’m not too keen (or dedicated) on keeping up with shows, but 24 seems to be the exception – at least it has been in the past.  I may even get around to keeping up with the 2nd most GENIUS syndicated show on TV:  Scrubs.   Lord knows that I stay tuned in to the 7pm re-runs on Comedy Central.  Although…I have to say that I got a legitimate beef with TBS.  They moved Seinfeld re-runs to 7pm.  How dare they make me choose between Seinfeld and Scrubs!  The audacity!  Have they no shame or dignity?  Is it not enough that I had to go months without being able to see “Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares” on BBC America during the 6pm afternoon slot?  But…that issue has been rectified because I am back to my FTA bootleggin’ ways!  Glory be to bootlegging!  I swear to you, if a politician’s candidacy and platform was entirely centered around bootlegging (and the support of it), I’d get in line at 2 am to vote for their ass.  Please believe.

Anyways, there were so many things that I wanted to write about the past month.  From watching Slumdog Millionaire (which did live up to the hype) to my birthday celebration to the New Year’s Eve festivities.  Ideally, I wanted to write an individual post for each one, but my lethargic and negligent ways have performed a literary cock-block maneuver on that…but…worry not my devout readers…I will paraphrase as best possible in this post.

Slumdog Millionaire was a great movie.  I didn’t think that it would live up to the locomotive of positive publicity that it rode in on to the mean streets of the A…but…it did.  I loved how they showed the “other” side of India…the real side of India:  the slums.  If you ever go to India, you may be shocked by the ubiquitous poverty that surrounds you at seemingly every turn.  Anyways, almost every Indian movie focuses on the affluent and privileged.  India is theatrically portrayed almost as if there was scant poverty.  But, Slumdog Millionaire opens a narrow peephole into the world of those who live in decrepitly meager and humble circumstances.   But, of course, like all Indian movies, the core plot of this movie centers around love and the insatiable quest for it.  The plot deals with a kid from the slums (Jamal Malik) who somehow finds his way on the show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” and facing the million dollar question.  When the show breaks for the evening, the police abduct Jamal and accuse him of cheating.  The story of his life is intertwined with every question he answers on the show.  It’s a pretty damn charming movie.  I can especially see why Westerners have been so favorable towards this movie so far.  India is an extremely intriguing country – and this movie exemplifies the chasm between the rich and the poor; between the privileged and the disenfranchised.  It is definitely a must-see.  It has been nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Picture and will probably get an Oscar nod for Best Picture.  I wish I could write a more detailed review of this movie, but this terse summary should suffice for those considering watching the movie.

By the way, this “Gran Torino” movie seems pretty good.  I don’t exactly know what it’s about, except that Clint Eastwood is supposed to be a pretty flagrant racist (which always has the potential for being an entertaining movie).  As shitty as racism is, it makes for intriguing theater.  Admit it.  Either way, Clint Eastwood is the rare director whose movies rarely disappoint.

Apparently, there has been quite the response to a post I wrote a while back telling Dane Cook and others to “Stop Making Movies!“.  There is quite an abundance of support…and hate…for Dane Cook.  Even though I implored others to abstain from producing shit flick after shit flick, folks seem to cling on to my comments pertaining to Dane Cook.  I can’t believe there were so many folks who disagreed with me…and actually thought that Dane Cook was a legitimate actor.  You have got to be kidding me.  His putrid acting reeks worse than month old tofu!  Anyways, if you’re interested in viewing the post and maybe dropping your own two cents, then click here.

All I gots to say about New Year’s Eve was that it FAR exceeded my expectations.  We paid for a 3-hour top shelf open bar – but were expecting to officially get “chopped and screwed“, but..we didn’t.  This was one of the very few times where we actually didn’t get our proverbial shit pushed in.  That sound you hear is me swiping my hand across my forehead and letting out a sigh of relief.  The open bar was legit.  We’re talking Crown, Patron, Henny, and Goose – and absolutely NO waiting in line!  You have got to be kidding me!  That definitely saved the beginning of the evening.  I say saved because when we arrived at the Westin Hotel in Perimeter, we felt as though we were misplaced into some antique roadshow.  The party seemed to be inundated with geriatric 30 and 40 year olds.  I mean, I know I’m an old ass man, but I felt like friggin’ jailbait at the beginning of the evening!  We couldn’t stop laughing when we arrived.  We were anticipating a wiggity wiggity party filled with folks sneaking in flasks of metamucil and poppin’ Levitra with their champagne toasts…but as the evening progressed (and the drinks kept flowing), the party started to get pretty dope.  By midnight, the place was packed and everyone was dancing and having a good time.  My crew and I had a great time.  I didn’t think we could top our experience at The Fox last year, but we did.  Big ups and mad kudos to the folks who threw the NYE party at the Westin.  It was another wise decision to stay in the A for New Year’s again.

A double fist tap to my friends for buying me a platform bed frame from IKEA for my birthday.  You know, I’ve never been too keen on celebrating my birthday, buy my friends always insist on doing so – and I am grateful for that.  I am very fortunate to have the people that I do in my life.  Regardless, we always have each others’ back – and when push comes to shove, we will be there for another.  It is a profound feeling to receive everything when you perpetually insist on wanting nothing.  Again, double fist tap for all who made my birthday memorable.  A tip of the hat to my my moms and grandma (both affectionately known by me as “mami” and “daadi” – pronounced “mum-mi” and “dah-di”) who cooked me a delicious homemade bday dinner of kofta and batura.  Mmmmm…..They were even swell enough to pack some in a tiffin for me to take home.  I’d say that dinner went over rather swimmingly.

I am inching closer to completing furnishing my joint.  I am done in terms of furniture and now want to set my focus on accents, lighting, and artwork.  Hopefully I can furnish my joint in a manner which screams “me” at the top of its lungs.

Time to enumerate Z’s.

First off, I’m gonna apologize for my Larry King-esque lack of commitment to my blog recently.  I’ve been about as prolific as Jesse Jackson is in praising white folks.

I guess I’ve been a bit out of the loop.  I’ve been meaning for a minute to jot down some irreverent ruminations, but just haven’t gotten around to it.  It seems like the endless list of things to do has been just that over the past few weeks.  And…I still got a Mt. Fiji worth of things to purchase for this haphazard shack I call a joint.  I know that I said that I didn’t want to rush into buying anything just to populate the crib…but this is getting ridiculous.  Inspiration has evaded me.  Hopefully, in the next few weeks or so, I can add a few pieces here and there.  That Grilled Cheese and Wine party seems like an unattainable island hidden miles away.

My company is having its annual holiday party this coming Saturday, so I’m intrigued to see how that will be.  This will be my 1st Xmas with this company, and the 1st Xmas I’ve ever experienced with a larger company, so it should be interesting to see the chasm of differences between my former employer and current.  There will be free food and they’ll be handing out gifts to some folks too – so that in itself is enough reason to go.  I’ll be taking my Asian Persuasion Sensation Fascination former co-worker.  It should be good times.  I hope I win the 42″ Plasma TV they’re giving away.  You may or may not see that on Craigslist the following day (ya never know!).

So, a friend of mine who shall remain proper name-less (The Hamster) made privy to me a new hack for the iPhone.  There is a hack called hackulous (click on link to view video showing how to install Hackulous on your JAILBROKEN iPhone) that allows you to download any paid application (from the App store) for FREE.  So, while thousands of dumbfucks…err…I mean…misguided folks are throwing away their paychecks at mindlessly irrelevant apps, we can download them for FREE!  And so can you…if you jailbreak your iPhone.

If you can somehow pilfer a legitimate justification as to how this is NOT genius, then “call me when you’re on my block…I’ll be in my tuxedo…waiting on my bride!” They actually sell iPhone apps that are priced over $30!  And…oddly enough…most of those are religious-oriented apps (Quran, Bible…etc.).  Gives whole new meaning to the phrase “Get Religion”, no?  Get religion?  For a $30 pricetag?  I pass.  But for free?  “This changes everything!”

I’m gonna go watch “Slumdog Millionaire” tomorrow.  I’ve heard quite a bit of hype regarding this movie.  The basic premise is that a kid from the slums in India makes it to the final question on an Indian version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”.  Before he can answer the final question, the police take him into questioning accusing him of cheating.  They’re wondering how a kid from the slums could have made it further than anyone in the history of the show.  It’s an independent movie that’s built quite a head of publicized steam for it’s theatrical locomotive.  It wasn’t even playing in Atlanta until last week.  Apparently, we DID get the memo…albeit a bit late.

I’ll let you cool cats know how the movie is (I’m thinking that it won’t live up to the hype).  I guess that’s just the pessimist in me.

I was considering going to The Fat Apple for Christmas, but that doesn’t seem as likely now.  Tickets are a bit pricier than I’d prefer and I may just stay here and relax my time off (a PAID week off!!! – hip hip…Hoo-freakin’-RAY!!!).  On a comparative side note, my cousin in Brooklyn (“I was born in Brooklyn!!!”) Sagar Desai Never Lies has decided to move back to Atlanta after residing in the hipster borough for only a few months.  Good to have him back.  Maybe he missed Waffle House too much?  Shit…the things we do for a plate of Cheese ‘N Eggs.  Can you honestly say that you blame him?

Pulp Fiction is on the telly.  Good movie.  Excellent dialogue.  The part where John Travolta jams a needle in Uma Thurman’s heart to resuscitate her from her apparent overdose.  Classic part in a classic movie.

I’m gonna try to dot my i’s, cross my t’s, and stay on my p’s and q’s a bit more consistently in regards to this blog.