Here I am, 10,000+ miles in the air on the way to the Left Coast (‘Frisco) and I’m listening to the Phillies vs. Yankees World Series game and blogging.  I know Wi-Fi on airplanes ain’t nothing new, but the fact that I’m surfing the ‘net AND getting my sports fix on has popped my top.  So, for anyone that ain’t in the know, Delta is offering free Wi-Fi on any of their flights until 12/31/2009 (use promo code “DELTATRYGOGO”).  It’s supposed to limit you to only one free day of usage, but if you finagle the system (as in using different usernames, emails, etc.), then you can pretty much get it free every time you fly.  You could literally have free Wi-Fi on every domestic Delta flight until the end of the year (which is what I’m planning to do).  So, even though I LOATHE Delta, I may consider flying them again before the end of the year just because of that very fact.  We’ll see.  My hate runs deep…but has been known to be fickle in the past  (except for Quicken Loans - “Yes, Quicken Loans deserve to die…”).

By the way, on a not-so-random, thought out, and hypocritical rant, Delta can see these.  Didn’t they file for bankruptcy just a few years ago?  Yet, here they are, charging more for amenities than anyone.  Anything Delta can charge for - they will.  If a scenario exists where Delta can find a way to legally pickpocket you, they will.  Let’s just say that if Delta bumps into you on the subway, you better start patting yourself down and make sure you still have your wallet on you.  Any way Delta can take money from you, they will attempt to.  Case in point, if you want to cancel a flight, Delta will refund you the monetary amount for the segment of your ticket.  Here’s the catch, in order to re-book using that credit, they will charge you a $150 “re-booking” fee.  Ain’t that ‘bout a coked-out bitch?  That’s just one example.  Another being that they charge $20 per checked-in luggage.  The airline standard is $15.  I know they ain’t the first and they won’t be the last…but c’mon.  You just filed for friggin’ BANKRUPTCY a few years ago!  Shouldn’t you be trying your best to appease customers and attract new customers?  I know you have to make your money somewhere, but really?  Who I am to bitch though?  I eschewed the hate, disdain, and bitter distaste for Delta and decided to fly with them anyways.  You know what they say…money talks…bullshit walks.

So, here I am, listening to the Phillies vs. Yankees World Series broadcast on my iPhone and writing this blog on my laptop.  The only reason I am listening to the World Series on my iPhone is because I can’t on my laptop.  Most professional sports organizations do not allow the live online streaming of their sporting events.  It’s a legal agreement they’ve made with the radio world.  Some professional leagues, such as Major League Baseball, offer online paid subscriptions that will allow you to listen to any game at any time over the internet.  I, being the acclaimed bootlegger that I am, downloaded the MLB.com cracked app from Installous (if you don’t know, your ignant ass betta ask somebody) on my iPhone and am able to listen to it live on my iPhone.  It’s ridiculous that you can’t listen to games online.  What if you’re abroad and want to catch a live audio feed of your favorite team’s next match?  S.O.L is what you’d be…well, unless you’re willing to sacrifice any dignity you have and PAY for what should be free.  Paying for what I can find for free is an absurd idea I will never fully comprehend (nor do I want to).  Wait, wait wait…what’s that?  People STILL rent movies from Blockbuster?  People STILL buy CDs?  Have I missed my spot in the rotation of the passing of the crack pipe?

Anyways, I’m on my way to Oaktown to surprise my sister on her birthday.  Let’s hope that she isn’t an avid reader of this blog.  That’d be a dumbfuck move on my part, no?  My parents surprised her yesterday.  I implored my parents not to snitch on my surprise plans.  I told my moms, “Yo son…snitches get stitches.”  So, I, being the brilliant liar that I am, called my sis today to wish her a happy birthday and told her that I’m stuck in the boondocks of Texas.  I told her that I wish I could be there and celebrate the birthday with the entire family.  I’m a slick follicle…I know.  I lie like a shag rug.

That slurping sound you faintly hear is me sucking face and getting to 2nd base with Lady Technology.  If I chop my onions right, I may get to officially join the Mile High Club.  I may not even pull out.  TMI, I know.  Shit, no me importa.  Love knows no bounds…come to think of it, neither does lust.

Forget all that, I’m just glad to be done with work for the week.  Bent over am I no more (well, at least for the week).  I worked past 10pm the past 2 nights.  For those that are counting, that’s 13+ hours both nights.  Puff, puff…I’d rather pass.  But…I had no choice.  I had to meet a project deadline.  So I bent over, lubed up, and took it like an amateur pornstar trying to make it in the industry.  No worries, I’m now headed to the wonderful Left Coast where vegetarian and vegan food is more a mainstay than a scarce commodity.

All them veggie joints are whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  I’ll be crappin’ tofu and pissin’ organic juice for the rest of the weekend.  Dreams DO come true (contrary to what my pops has hammered into my head).  I’m gonna meet up one of my old college buddies too (who’s doing a 1-year Masters program at Berkeley).  That dude is a funny cat.  I call him Ichiro (he’s half Japanese).  After graduation, he moved to Tokyo and was breakin’ 24-grain bread.  Cat was stackin’ (he worked at Lehman Bros.).  I vowed to him that I would visit him out in Tokyo, but never ended up going.  Money was tighter back then and tickets were way too expensive.  So, now that he’s returned to the States, I’m gonna visit him this weekend.  Do some catching up.  I remember him telling me years ago that “…flat screen TVs are like toilet paper in Japan…everyone has ‘em.”  Funny guy.  Plus, he uttered one of the oddest threats I’ve ever heard a friend of mine direct at someone:  “I will eat your face!”.  Classic stuff.

I’ve become so accustomed to neglecting my blog that I don’t even feel the need to apologize nor make excuses anymore.

I’ve increasingly noticed over the past year that I’ve started to think more like an engineer in my life outside of work (something I thought would never happen).  I’ve always prided myself on being a liberal thinker, especially considering that I work in a geeked-out, technical profession.  Years ago, I was an emotional guy.  Not emotional in the sense that I weeped at any opportunity, but emotional in the sense that I felt more.  How exactly can I explain that?  Well, when someone pissed me off, I would get pissed off.  When something bad happened in my life, I’d labor over the why’s and how’s of the situation.  When things went well, I got excited; I let myself enjoy the moment.  Nowadays?  If something goes awry, I shrug my shoulders and console myself by muttering “such is life” to myself.  This is the coping mechanism I’ve developed over the years.  This system of mine prevents me from getting too amped when things are good and too depressed when things are bad.  Sometimes, I feel like a robot.  I think too logically.  I’ve become a discrete thinker.  Things always seem to be either a 0 or 1.  Black or white.  Gray doesn’t seem to be a color on the paint palette of my thoughts.  I don’t know.  Is it better to be emotionally swayed by the inertia of the moment or is it better to be indifferent?  If not indifferent, I’m at best ambivalent.  Shit, I don’t know.  Ideally, a balance between the two (rational and emotional thought) is ideal, but how can you achieve one without sacrificing the other?  I’m not exactly sure.  Again, these are just scatterbrained thoughts that are floating around in my George Lopez watermelon-sized head.  Do any of them merit any attention or legitimacy?  I don’t know.  Alls I knows is that I’ve changed the way in which I emotionally deal with things.  Whether I’ve consciously decided to take that approach is beyond me.  I just know that it’s gradually happened over the years.

I’ve been all over the place with this post.  I’m glad to see that I haven’t lost my erratic touch.

The title speaks for itself, no?  Well well well, my uniformed readers, I am here to enlighten you on various (bootleg) ways to financially survive the recession.  Now, here’s the thing:  this isn’t some kind of recycled, inapplicable guide that you’d find on Yahoo.com or whatever other website you use to inundate your mind with nonsensical rubbish.  This is simply a guide of sorts that will detail a few of the things that I’ve done to pocket a few extra pennies during these unpredictable times.  Consider me the frugal, bootleggin’ man’s Clark Howard.  Anyone who’s had the unfortunate experience of meeting me knows that I am enamored with any and everything that pertains to either the act of or knowledge of bootlegging.  So, if you’re the type of cat who doesn’t download music because of moral obligations and ethical restrictions, take your conservative leaning grill to another site or, at the least, Ctrl+T your ass to another tab.

I myself have fell victim to the succubus of financial temptations.  Funny as it may sound, I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I can drop a Benny Franklin at a club and not wake up the next day feeling as regretful as a desperate schmuck who just gave the shocker to a 5 peso Tijuana tranny.  I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life where I can splurge a little.  But, I’ve realized over the past few months that even I myself have to go back to the basics of saving.  I’ve gone astray of the ways that once defined me.  So, this may be an introductory lesson of sorts for your inquiring minds, but I also consider this a refresher course for myself.

Onwards we go…

Inebriation

Having a few drinks a few nights a week can place a significant dent in your wallet after a few months.  Drinks, as anyone who has had any in the city knows, can be expensive.  Especially mixed drinks.  I’ve long been a Crown Royale cat.  Crown and coke is my drink of choice.  But, ordering a Crown and Coke cocktail will cost you.  What are my viable alternatives, you ask?  Well, I could nix the ordering of cocktails and completely abstain from sippin’ the sinful syrup…but who the backflip are we kidding?  That, quite frankly, ain’t happenin’.  So, what’s the solution?  Well, one simple solution is to continue ordering cocktails, but with cheaper brands of alcohol.  Normally, in most situations, a Jack and Coke (as opposed to Hennessey or Crown Royale) can save you an average of $2/cocktail.  Mon frere, that adds up.  Plus, after you’ve guzzled down 4 or 5 of these, you won’t remember nor care what you are drinking.  You could be chasing down Mr. Boston’s Vodka jello shots with Schlitz and you wouldn’t even bat an inebriated eyelash.

But, if you’d rather sidestep the appetizer and head straight for the platter, then I have an alternative solution that’ll pop the top of your muffin.  Bring a flask with you.  Fill up your flask with whatever alcohol you have lying around.  Stick that mother in your backpocket, order a soda pop from the bar, and mix your drink in the bathroom stall.  No harm, no foul.  Plus, a majority of the clubs in Atlanta (think Primal, Opera, Cosmo/Lava, etc.) don’t offer the complementary security handjob that some other clubs do (Velvet, Esso, or any joint that caters to Black folk).  Don’t believe me?  Head over to Velvet Room tonight and see if you don’t “jizz in your pants” (click on the link - it is a HILARIOUS song and video) during the security check.  Anyways, I predominantly travel with flask to clubs.  There is really no downside - well…besides the probable sacrifice of your sensibilities and dignity.  But, loss of dignity aside, it’s a genius idea that will save you the cost of 2-4 drinks (depending on how strong you like your drinks).  Women, you have an even greater advantage.  You can jam your purses full of alcohol and tote around 2-3 flasks.  Let’s be honest ladies, it ain’t like all of you are fortunate enough to have some naive dumbfucks buy you drinks all the time.  Most of you, admittedly or not, have to purchase your own.  So, take on the task of toting a flask.  You will thank me tomorrow.

The Movies

I haven’t attended a class at an academic institution in nearly 4 years, yet I still use my student ID at the theater.  Anyone who does not do this should be bitch slapped for stupidity.  If you still have your student ID and can still aesthetically pass as a college student, why would you not pose as one?  You, my friend, are a Grade A, 5 star dumbfuck.  Honesty is but a matter of perspective.  Anyways, there are a few other ways to manipulate the system that you may find useful.  First off, this is the shadiest of techniques, but I’m living proof that this technique can work…and can work exceptionally well.  After purchasing a ticket, you simply fold your ticket in half (making it appear as though it is a ticket stub) and flash it to the ticket taker.  More often than not, he will nod his head and tell you to continue on.  Some ticket takers will take the ticket out of your hand and forcefully tear it.  But, if they do not, then you have the green light to bootleg.  Simply put, this method creates the facade that you’re re-entering the theater and that your ticket has already been torn - and therefore creates the impression that you have the remaining ticket stub in your hand.  The optimal time to employ this method is when the theater is busy and there is a large crowd of folks headed in.  The ticket taker will not have time to personally examine every single ticket, so you will have a greater chance of getting away with this.  You can then return to the theater at a later date and exchange your still-intact movie ticket for free.  Technically, your movie ticket has not been cut, hence, the theater believes that you never actually saw the movie.  In this case, the theater is obligated to grant you an exchange for another movie at a later date.  Theaters have gotten a little more hip to the game on this, but this still works surprisingly well.  Another method that I used to employ was tearing the ticket myself.  I would then pocket the other part of the ticket and simply show the stub.  I would then tape together the two torn pieces and exchange the ticket out at a later date.  If the theater would ask why my ticket is taped together, I would explain that the ticket tore in my pocket.  Think about this, if you employ either of these methods just once, then you’ve essentially viewed 2 movies for the price of one.  If you’re ballsy enough to continue implementing this method on the same original purchase, you could theoretically watch 10 movies for the price of 1.  What I normally do is purchase 1 ticket and then exchange it out 2-3 times utilizing this method.  After that, on the 2nd or 3rd time, I let the ticket taker tear my ticket.  During my next visit to the theater, I will purchase another ticket and attempt to start the same process again.  You do not want to get too greedy.  It would be best to alternate between theaters also.  There’s no need to start developing a discernible reputation.  Do not ruin it for the rest of us bootleggers.

Another method that has been tried and true by a friend of mine is the purchasing of children’s tickets at automated kiosks.  Many times, you can go into a theater and purchase tickets from an automated machine.  At those machines, you can normally purchase any ticket - even a children’s ticket (which are priced cheaper).  You can then use those to view your movie.  Technically, theater staff can stop you and refuse you entry if they notice this, but more often than not, the folks who tear the tickets will not notice this.

Save money by sneaking in your own food and drink in theaters.  They don’t pat you down at the theaters, so unless you got a box of Junior Mints popping out of your bra, you should go by unnoticed.  Shit, I’ve even smuggled in  bean burritos from Taco Bell and noshed on them during previews.  Sneaking in a bottle of soda pop has become mandatory for me now.  If I ain’t smuggling in some type of snack to a flick, it just doesn”t feel right - almost as if I feel dirty for not doing something dirty.  Shame?  I have little…if any.  Ahhh…who am I kidding?  I have ZERO shame.  Dignity?  Squadoosh.  Integrity?  Jigga what?  Jigga who?  You must be OUTSIDE your mind.  Only difference between me and you disapprovin’ cats is that I’m not afraid to bootleg.  Most of you folks want to, but can’t pull that trigger.  Too bad, maxipad.

Another less immoral and more legitimate way to save money on the movie going experience is to visit the Starlight Drive-In theatre off of Moreland Ave.  They charge $7/person - and always feature new releases.  With that admission fee, you are entitled to watch a double feature (they normally show 2 shows per screen).  Plus, you can bring whatever food and/or drinks you want and enjoy them while watching the movie.  No one will bother you.  Wanna crack open a few cold ones while watching “The Hangover”?  No problem.  Be discreet and no one will bother you.  So, you save a few bucks on admission and you can munch on whatever molded produce you had lying around at home.  No more having to buy $5 soda pop and $5 popcorn.  Plus, the quality of the audio and video at the Drive-In is pretty superb.  They pipe the audio through speakers outside and also broadcast it on an FM radio station you can tune your car stereo to.  During the summer, a lot of folks bring lawn chairs and watch the movie outside.  In addition, it’s a great experience.  There aren’t that many Drive-In theaters left in the nation.  You can’t beat the price or the convenience.

Eating Out

Coupons.  Coupons.  Coupons.  Capisce?  Use them.  They are your BFF, your booty call, and your wifey.  There are a lot of websites that specialize in discounted offers at restaurants.  The best example I can think of is Restaurant.com.  They normally offer vouchers at discounted prices (ex.  $25 vouchers for $10).  Many times, they have specials which allow for even greater discounts.  I myself purchased 3 different $25 vouchers for $3 a pop.  The only catch is that you normally have to spend a certain minimum (i.e. $35) and/or are restricted to certain days (M-Th, No Fridays, etc.).  Besides that though, there isn’t any other catch.  There are also a few other websites that specialize in the same sort of thing (Halfoffdepot.com comes to mind), but Restaurant.com is one that I’ve recently used that has proven to be reliable.  Believe you me, you may be above the use of coupons now, but when your decrepit ass is begging for change under the freeway, you may find yourself warming to the idea.

Go for specials.  Always be on the lookout in Creative Loafing or on Twitter for new promotions.  Word of mouth can be a powerful tool in helping you save money.

Split meals.  You can kill 2 birds with one stone:  watching your diet and saving money.  If you’re dating someone, sharing a meal is extremely convenient and easy.  Rather than eating an entire personal pizza by yourself, get someone to split it with you.  You can even save money on soda pop by sharing a soda with a friend.  At the least, do like me - let a friend order a soda pop and then take their drink to go.  Ain’t no need for a drink with unlimited refills to go to waste, ya dig?  Or, you could cut out soda pop altogether.  Soda pop can be upwards of $2 now at a lot of joints, so either share with someone or just skip it altogether.

If I can’t find someone to split a meal with, I sometimes take half of my meal to-go and finish it for lunch the next day.  That saves me from spending money on lunch the next day.

Movie Rentals

Enough with the Blockbuster memberships.  Honestly, truth be told, Blockbuster will be but a distant memory in a few years.  Our kids will not even have the faintest idea about what “making it a Blockbuster night” means.  Bet your 401K on that, buddy.  Go with the Red Boxes at your local grocery stores and Wal-Marts or go with Netflix - or forego all of the above and implement yet another bootleggin’ practice:  torrents.  I’m not exactly sure what a torrent is, but it is essentially a compressed file that you download.  You then open it up with torrent software (Bittorrent, uTorrent, etc.) and it will decompress that file and download all of it’s contents to your computer.  There are various torrent websites out there (torrentz.com, isohunt.com, mininova.com, etc.)  Movies can be easily found and downloaded through the use of torrents.  If you aren’t comfortable watching those downloaded movies on your itty bitty laptop or PC screen, you can connect your PC to your TV (like I have) or connect your laptop to your TV with a video cable (s-video, HDMI, DVI, etc.).  What cable you use depends on what ports your TV and computer has.  I use a DVI-HDMI cable.  The DVI end is connected to the back of my PC and the HDMI end is connected to my TV.  Either way, refrain from paying for music and/or movies.  Seriously, bootleggin’ has been the societal trend for the past 2 decades…so get with the illegally downloaded and cracked program.

Hold your Cable/Internet/Cell Companies Hostage

Threaten the Jehovah’s Witness out of any of the above companies by threatening to leave them.  You may have to call back in a few times and speak to different people, but more often than not, you eventually will get someone on the phone who is willing to negotiate.  Even if you have zero leverage, you can magically manufacture some if you bitch enough.  It’s true.  Please believe it’s true.  Lie if you have to…actually…I vehemently implore you to lie.  Tell them that a rival company is offering a better deal.  Better yet, use the recession to your advantage.  Tell them that you just don’t have as much disposable income as you used to because of the recession.  Explain to them that you would love to continue service with them, but that you just can’t afford it any more.  It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there folks - you gotta make it do what it do.  Believe you me, these companies are taking bubble baths in garden tubs of your hard earned money - so you’re more than well served to flip the script on ‘em.  Haggle everything.  Heed the wise words of King Leonidas in 300 (“Give them nothing…but take from them EVERYTHING!”).    The time to become an asshole has arrived.

Jailbreak your iPhone

Listen to me, you naive iPhone app buying ignoramus:  jailbreak your iPhone.  Do not dare reconsider this.  Rather than spending HUNDREDS of dollars on useless apps, you can download them for FREE - IF you jailbreak your iPhone.  Once you jailbreak your iPhone, you can download the “Installous” app from Cydia (the jailbroken man’s app store).  Using “Installous”, you can download almost every app from the app store for free.  Is this illegal?  Of course.  But more slap-on-the-wrist illegal than finger-in-your-ass-welcome-to-the-pokey illegal. But…again…your morality is the sacrificial lamb that has to be fed to the Tyrannosaurus Rex that is the recession.  You can google “jailbreak” and “installous” and will find a ton of information and how-to guides on both. Or, you can reference a post that I wrote nearly a year ago (“Do Not Pass Go…Go Directly to JAILbreak”). Some of the references in there are outdated (everything was based on the 2.1 iPhone firmware), but the basic idea remains the same.

Buy Online

DO NOT be afraid to buy things from the internet.  Especially electronics.  Things like digital cameras, computer parts, and electronic accessories (chargers, cables, etc.) are infinitely cheaper online than they are in stores - even with shipping.  If you have the patience to wait a week for your goods, then online is the way to go.  You cats would be surprised with the number of folks who still refuse to purchase online.  Books are something else that are extremely cheap online.  A website that I’ve used a few times with great success is Swaptree.com.  They allow you to swap books, DVDs, and music CDs with another user.  All you have to do is pay for the shipping required to send it to that person.  You can even print out the shipping label directly from the website (the shipping cost is calculated online) and affix that to the packaging (eliminating the need to go to the post office).  For example, you could trade “The Davinci Code” for “The Kite Runner” for about $2.50.  This way, you don’t have to spend $15-$20 purchasing a new book.  You simply “swap” out your old one for another one.

Here are a few reliable websites that I’ve used in the past that offer online promotions and deals:

Slickdeals.net

Woot.com

Dansdeals.com

I could go on all night with more detailed accounts of bootleggin’ practices I employ on a daily basis, but this post has become uber verbose.  There are a ton of other bootleggin’ suggestions that are escaping me right now.  I may or may not post another one or two of these “guides” in the future.

Once a month has been my M.O., so why rock the boat? Here I am punching my timesheet for the month of August. I cut it close, no? No different than last month I suppose (when I posted on July 30). Maybe it’s better to refrain from inundating the masses (all 3 of you) with too much of this arbitrary mess. Better to keep them wanting more, huh?

So, the question that must be incinerating your brain steam like a firecracker’s fuse must be this: What the hell have I been doing for the past month? Well, well, well. I am ELATED to report that this week marks my 4th consecutive week in The A. The boondocks are but a distant memory. You could say that we’re “taking a break”. Please believe, I will not be calling that skank anytime soon. If she wants to indulge in the decadence of all that is Brown (yours truly), then she’s gonna have to pick up the phone and call me. So, even with all this consecutive time in the A, I’ve still found a way to neglect this blog. It’s. What. I. Do. The least you folks can do is slice me a slab of slack for my diminished literary ingenuity. No worries, folks - I know I gotta do a better job of keeping up appearances. I used to be petrified of slapping some generic garbage on here just to fill the void, but that may be the only way I can retain any sort of consistency with this blog. Then again, some folks would probably be inclined to say that it seems as though I’ve already started that. Like I said, cut a Brownie some slack.

Anyways, on to the happenings of the past month.

The Movie Nazi (yours truly) has struck again. Why are my initial reactions to movies so predominantly negative and laced with disappointment? Expectations have rarely met reality it seems. Then again, after a few days have passed and I’ve had time to digest what I’ve seen, I normally warm from a cold, reluctant fist tap to a one-armed, hesitant embrace. For example, “Inglourious Basterds”. What was my initial reaction after leaving the theater? WWW (Wiggity. Wiggity. Wack.). Now, mind you this, I’m a HUGE Tarantino fan, but I found the movie exaggerated (a common characteristic of all Tarantino movies) and slow (also, another commonality of Tarantino flicks). But, after a day or so, I more aptly saw the movie for what it was and scrutinized it not based on expectations, but on reality.

It was a good movie. Deserving of being considered as “Tarantino’s Best”? No. I still think “Kill Bill” holds that tiara. Honestly though, I think I still would’ve been tempted to toss the movie a WWW if not for Christopher Waltz’s stunning performance as the “Jew Hunter” Colonel Landa. The epitome of a (seemingly) benevolent asshole. His performance was definitely Oscar-worthy.

(500) Days of Summer. Checkmark. A really good movie that I also was initially underwhelmed by. But after letting it marinate (no pun intended) for a day or so, I came to really appreciate the movie. It was creative, different, and funny. Definitely a must-see. And, just like the voiceover said at the beginning of the movie, it wasn’t a love story. Well…it sort of was. But wasn’t. You have to watch it to understand what I’m talking about. Check it out. Torrent that mother.

In a little less than a month from now, I will make my return to Spain. My sister pretty much dropped everything to study Flamenco in Southern Spain (Granada) for a few months. Ballsy, to say the least. One of these days, I hope to have the same determined wherewithal and gumption to take that leap. For now, I’ve comforted myself in the fact that I will be headed over there to Southern Spain to visit her for a week. We plan on backpacking through Southern Spain and Portugal for a week. We will probably only go to 2 or 3 cities, but I am extremely looking forward to it. Plus, my brother-in-law and my cousin from the Armpit of NYC (Jersey City) will join me on my travels. It’ll be good to return to Europe. It’s been over 3 years now. Unbelievable. Just 3 years ago we were stumbling through streets cluttered with broken beer bottles while sippin’ on cold brewskis with Germans in the streets of Munich as they celebrated a quarterfinal World Cup victory. Feels like 10 years ago. I’m trying to slowly get back in the flow and hustle of traveling overseas. I’ve vowed to myself to never stop exploring the back alleys and crevices of the world.

And…cross your fingers, folks. I’m hoping to make my triumphant return to India in December after a 4 year hiatus. Wow. 4 years. Really? Although, how triumphant a return can it possibly be when I’m returning without a blushing bride? I’m sure they’ll give me days of grief and ridicule for this. At least I don’t have to slide my feet in the sweaty Chucks of my older cousin. This cat is 30, wears skinny jeans, listens to chick bands, has an inclined affinity for Anglos, and…above all…is still unmarried. He will bear the brunt of criticism. Thank God for family who you can throw under the bus to conveniently avoid the spotlight of scrutiny. Whew. Right now, the major obstacle that stands in the way of my purchasing a ticket is the price. We’re talking roughly 2 G’s right now to go at the time I am looking at. If the price doesn’t come down, I’ll be hard pressed to slice that much provolone. So, I’m doing what I do best: waiting. If prices come down, I go. If not, who the flip knows?

Morningstar. Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Need I say more? I went to the grocery store (Publix) earlier today and grabbed me 12 different boxes of Morningstar products. That’s right, folks. 12. I am salivating at the thought of marinating the faux-chicken with Tikka Masala. Giggidy. Giggidy. It’s the coming that I’m worried about…not the going.

A little over a week ago, I was stuffing my face with achari paneer rolls and falafels in The Fat Apple. Thank the good Lord for the existence of Kati Roll and Mamoun’s. But…what stood out was actually the veggie joint I dined at in Greenwich Village the Monday I left: Red Bamboo. So, Red Bamboo is one of numerous veggie joints in The Fat Apple that serve faux-meat. Faux chicken, beef, shrimp, even lamb chops. To start off, I ordered chicken skewers with a curry dipping sauce.  Excellent, on point, and charred to perfection.  For the entree, I ordered the Southern Creole Chicken. Savory, sweet, and delicious.  Plus, the portions were generous.  It definitely had the taste, texture, and seasoning of real chicken. Plus, the sauce that was served with it was delicious. It was a cajun flavored sauce with a hint of sweetness. I wish I had the menu to accurately describe the food.  My words do little justice to the quality of the food.  It was excellent veggie fare. Definitely worth exposing your palate to if ever in NYC.  If you don’t believe me, read the reviews on Yelp.

Time to slide some cake in the oven, catch up on some of the day’s happenings in the world of sports, and enumerate some Z’s.

I’m tempted to extract my eyeballs out of their sockets and rinse them in anti-bacterial soap.  All I’ve done all week (and pretty much every week I’m out here in Texas) is stare at a computer screen for 12+ hours a day.  I’m gonna absolve myself of apathetic responsibility and point my finger at that as the cause of my literary lethargy.  Eyeballin’ a 20” flat screen for 12 hours a day doesn’t exactly incline ambition or inspire one to flip open their laptop at home.   Am I using my profession as a copout for the negligence of personal interests and ambitions?  You bet your ass, Seabass.

On to the alleged homewrecker.

Alicia.  Alicia.  Alicia.  Ms.  Keys.  Please, por favor, per favore, meharbani karine…do NOT tell me you’ve given revitalized meaning to the term “two-timer”.  Say the flip it ain’t so.  No wonder you’ve been AWOL the past few months.  So, unbeknownst to me, you’ve been cuddling up and whispering sweet nothings to someone other than yours truly?  There are numerous reports that allege that singer Alicia Keys and rapper/producer Swizz Beatz have been dating for months.  Word on the street is that both have now publicly confirmed that they are dating (after months of speculation and hearsay).  Alicia Keys was once privileged enough to be the nucleus of my atom of infatuation.  No mas.  If this story is true (which it seems highly likely that it is), then I will officially have to remove Ms. Keys off the list of women who one day could be lucky enough to be placed into consideration for the title of being my main squeeze.  Too.  Damn.  Bad.  Dr. Elliot Reid (Sarah Chalke of Scrubs) and Samantha Brown - you’ve been promoted.  Feel free to bolt out of the room jumping up and down clinging onto your golden ticket.  “Pack your bags…you’re going to Hollywood!!!”  Alicia…I never thought that I’d be saying this to you…but…alls I gots to say is that “you’re like school in the summertime…no class.” By the way, I know I’m nearly 3 months late on this…but…what else do you expect? The boondocks of Franklin, TX ain’t exactly conducive to keep on keepin’ on with what’s happenin’ in the streets. Anyone who has paid consistent attention to this discombobulated mess I naively choose to call a blog knows that I ain’t exactly intuitive of what’s shakin’ in the crevices of the streets of pop culture.

Wow.  Asians (as in Fwied Wice Asians) are an awkward bunch.  The show “Extreme Cuisine” on the Travel Channel is featuring a Taiwanese restaurant called “Modern Toilet”.  This restaurant is entirely themed around bathrooms - and more specifically, toilets.  Every dish is served out of a mini-plastic toilet.  And what exactly is the most popular dish?  Curry chicken…which…fittingly resembles…well…crap.  No way this restaurant is popular, right?  It must be a disgusting shtick that few have the gastronomical fortitude to experience?  Right?  Wrong.  They have 12 of them across Taiwan and Hong Kong.  Although, who am I to talk?  I practically live on the can.  But still…digging into a pile of food that looks like the deposited fetal aftermath of a decomposing Giordano’s deep dish pizza?  Ay yi yi.  But, odds are ironically in your favor if you bet on me chowing down some toilet curry tofu.  Who am I to belittle another’s culinary inclinations, regardless of how bizarre and unorthodox?

Can someone be fired for only providing a customer with ONE mild sauce at Taco Bell?  Especially after the customer insists on a “whole lotta sauce”?  ONE mild sauce?  Is the economy that tight that not only are we deprived of employment and profitable financial opportunities, but also Taco Bell sauces?  Give us us free!!!  And plenty.  A bean burrito is like a dimepiece who’s foolish enough to be complicit in intimacy with you.  Feel privileged that you’re even fortunate enough to reside in the same room as that warm, mouthwatering fold of flour tortilla.  Do not rush into the 2 minutes of unforgettable ecstacy you are about to experience.

Be diligent and considerate enough to take your time to make sure it is ready.  A bean burrito needs to be made to feel that it is your first, your only, and your last.  It needs the sweltering foreplay of hot and mild sauce.  Do not shake your head in bewilderment.  You know damn well that I’m the Don Juan of Burritos.  Dot your i’s, cross your t’s, and be on them p’s and q’s, or I will snatch your burrito away; introduce it to a “really man”.

It feels good to blog again.  Every time feels like the first time.  I guess gettin’ laid isn’t the only activity I infrequently participate in.

Am I the only friggin’ schmuck in the States that was disappointed by “The Hangover”? I mean, it had its moments (a grown ass man simulatin’ a baby playing pocket pool is priceless), but not enough of them to warrant a seat in first class next to legendary rib ticklers like “40 Year Old Virgin” and “Superbad”. A classic? I respectfully disagree. Maybe the wise, all-knowing Hamster was right: I am more affected by hype than others.

Transformers 2. Again…disappointed. It felt entirely too verbose, a bit too serious for its own good, and not even in the same zipcode of funny as the original. But, it wasn’t a bad movie - just not a great one. Although, the rest of the universe may disagree with me. It kachinged 60 million bucks on it’s opening day…on a Wednesday!. Un-believe-able. 60 mil in a day. The theater was absolutely slammed in College Station, TX. I waited nearly an hour to get into the theater (after having already purchased a ticket hours in advance) and was BARELY able to get a seat. Please believe though, I cranked my stag up in College Station and watched it solo for $4. I still cannot get over this. $4! By the way, what is even the point of having humans (like Tyrese) in the movie? They’re barely even in it and contribute squadoosh. The movie definitely had some “ooh” and “aah” action sequences, but even that had its restrictions. Scrap metal battlin’ isn’t exactly discernible to detail on the big screen. But, like I said, the flick had its moments, but not enough to leave me feelin’ satisifed or convinced that I’ve seen one of the better movies of the summer. The comedy felt a bit forced and, in my irrelevant opinion, fell flat. I think I may have become a movie Nazi; a cinema snob. I think I’ve set my cinematic standards entirely too high. Then again, I did enjoy educating myself on the “Cultural Learnings of America” - so maybe there is hope for me yet.

By the way, iPhone OS 3.0 is pretty dope. I’ve been using it for a week or so and am very impressed. Finally, after 2 years, Apple has completed its best effort to appease its rabid customer base. I am lovin’ the landscape feature they’ve added to their apps.

Do you like your information pushed in? Apple has also added the “Push Notifications” feature. Us members of the iCult have been gettin’ our Ric Flair on for the past 2 years; we’ve been down on our knees clasping our hands together begging for push notifications. And…we were rewarded. For those that are uninformed, push notifications essentially allow you to receive instantaneous alerts when any new information has been received in an app that has been closed out. For example, you could log into a chat app and click out of it and still receive notifications when folks IM or message you. This essentially allows your app to keep on keepin’ on in the background. I’ve been using a few apps with the push feature and initial results are good. I’ve just downloaded Beejive 3.0 (one of the most popular iPhone chat clients). The 3.0 version now supports push notifications. The reason I am so excited about push notifications is because this will almost entirely eliminate the need for SMS. Will you still need a text messaging plan? Probably. But, the bare bones SMS plan should work for you if you play your push cards right. Lord knows my Guju ways will never fade, so I’m all for whatever saves me money, regardless of the adjustments I have to make. At least I can swipe my forehead in relief knowing that I don’t have to upgrade from my $5 200 text messages plan.

There is even a text messaging application (Textfree Unlimted) that uses your email to send free text messages. This app also now features push notifications. How the hell the totalitarian nazi that is Apple (and to a greater extent AT&T) allowed this is light years beyond me.

How the hell did I get stuck with a Mazda rent-a-car that doesn’t have power windows nor power locks, but has steering wheel radio controls? They still produce cars without power windows and doors? Bootleg indeed. Even the auxiliary input didn’t work on this car. I should’ve went with the Dodge. It’s funny how quickly we adjust to commodities once considered luxuries.

I completed this entire post on an Airtran flight from Houston to Atlanta. Note to self: buy a box of Godiva milk chocolate cashews and a dozen roses for Lady Technology. If I stack my pancakes right, she might even put out. But that ain’t but a thang. If need be, I’ll go celibate for ol’ girl.

While my cool cats twittered away the evening from the rooftop of lofts overlooking the A, I turned my stag on in College Station, TX. Jason’s Deli and Star Trek. It’s what I do.

So, Star Trek was definitely as dope as expected. But, that is an inexpensive, albeit savory, appetizer in comparison to the mouth-watering entree which I’m about to explain to you. I paid $4 FLAT for a 10pm movie ticket to a Saturday show. $4! How is this even possible? And this wasn’t some bootleg back-alley, haphazard joint either. This was a clean and decent movie theater in College Station, TX. FOUR FRIGGIN’ DOLLARS! Where the hell is their profit margin? I will definitely be returning to that theater another time or two before I permanently bid adieu to Texas. I’ve been months behind in keepin’ on keepin’ on with movies, so this seems to be a shimmering opportunity to play catch up with some of these recent cinematic releases. I’m still in euphoric disbelief. 4 dollars. I was tempted to fist tap and chest bump the ticket taker out of blissful exuberance.

Random thought. Frasier. Why the hell was this show so popular? I’m surprised that the high brow humor shtick stuck. Hey…stop shakin’ your head in unsympathetic disapproval. I know it’s 1am on a Saturday and I’m watching Frasier…but…I refuse to feel belittled by your negligent disparagement. I’m off tomorrow, so I’ve returned to my nocturnal ways - for at least one night. I can spend my day off doing either of three things: travel to Houston, travel to San Antonio, or sleep in late and relajar the entire day. I’m heavily inclined towards the latter. Vamos a ver. Although…the thought of sleeping in is whispering sweet nothings in my ear; conspicuosly moderating my nocturnal instincts.

I really want to pick the guitar back up and start playing it again. I think, this time, rather than me half-assedly (should be a word) teaching myself, I’m strongly considering paying for lessons. We’ll see. This very well could be another ambition of mine that I pursue with reckless abandon and undisciplined dedication. If any of you folks know any affordable guitar instructors that you can recommend, leave a comment on this page.

Stop the presses!!! Hold the expense report!!! Even though I’m paying $129/night (w/o taxes and fees) for a room at the Homehood Suites (bka Homewood Suites), they can’t/won’t/don’t offer complimentary toothpaste at the front desk. Rather, it is available for purchase downstairs. I never understood fancier hotels. Ever notice that the more expensive hotels scarcely have complimentary continental breakfast? How come the Econolodges of the world offer complimentary Honey Buns while the 5-Star Ritz Carltons charge $10+ for breakfast buffets? What…rich folks don’t have an affinity for all things free? Get-the-fugg-outta-here! It makes absolutely no sense. So…rather than overpaying for a miniature tube of paste, I’m going to peruse the hygienic aisles of Wally World and buy me a regular sized (and optimally affordable) tube. My Guju sensibilities will never diminish.

Another day gone by, another week spent in the quaint town of Franklin, TX.  I might as well take out a 2nd mortgage for my (ostensibly) 2nd home here.  Although, there is a faint, meagerly discernible splinter of daylight fracturing through the ominous stratus clouds.   My time here will progressively (hopefully?) diminish with each coming visit over the course of the next few months.  Like all business trips, I’ve gone through my Ike and Tina love/hate relationship with this assignment.  I’ve gone from feeling loathsome to growing acclimated to my surroundings out here.  Would I rather be in Atlanta?  “Hellz yeah” would be a massive understatement.  But, rather than canoodling the negative, I’ve chosen to fondle the positive.  The main positive being that this is a fairly important project of a larger scale - and I’m the lead engineer on it.  So, the better the project goes, the better it makes me look as an engineer.  So, I’m willing to be out here as long as they (reasonably) need me to be.

Kobe Hatin’.  It’s been all the rage ever since the fugly splitup between Shaq-Kobe-Phil took place years ago.  Once again, after Kobe having reached the NBA Finals for the 2nd consecutive year SS (Sans Shaq), the Kobe haters have resurfaced.  Anyone who knows me knows how much of a staunch fan and supporter I am of Kobe.  He is the most lethal asassin in the NBA.  No one matches his competitive drive.  Is he arrogant?  Yes.  At times selfish?  Yes.  Too predictable?  Yes.  Too corporate?  Yes.  Lacking in street cred?  Yes, yes, and yes.  But…so what?  These are the SAME adjectives that were sometime used to (quietly) describe Michael “His Airness” Jordan.  Yet, NBA fans globally were (and to an extent still are) enamored with him.  How folks LOVED Jordan, but hate Kobe is beyond me.  They are practically the same player.  Both have gone through controversial episodes in their lives (Kobe with the Colorado case and Jordan with the gambling and infidelity).  Both possess unmatched competitive drive that exemplifies their attitude toward opponents and, to a greater extent, what they expect out of their teammates.  People chastise Kobe for the way he berates teammates demanding perfection out of them.  Jordan was exactly the same way, if not more demanding of his teammates.  Jordan was the most arrogant (and obnoxious) player I have ever seen - but I was a big fan of Jordan, just as I am of Kobe.  Do not allow your rational opinion of Kobe to be diluted by his arrogant attitude,  competitive demeanor, and unrelenting insistence (and expectation) of perfection from his teammates.  Maybe folks feel the same way about Kobe that I do about Ryan Reynolds:  there’s something indescribably repugnant about him that I don’t like.  Or…they may feel the same contemptuous and venomous hate for Kobe that I do for Dane Cook.  Then again, even I’m capable of rescinding a marginal fraction of hate for Dane Cook if I was actually shown something where his performance DIDN’T defecate on the overall quality of the involved production.  So, maybe Kobe does have some hope after all.

T-Minus 2 1/2 weeks ‘til I get my joint redecorated (phalanges intertwined).  I’ve grown slightly fatigued of inhabiting a joint with a dearth of furniture and an excess of echo.

Oddly enough, I had an odd sequence of dreams last night.  In short, during the course of my shut-eye solitude last night, Kobe failed to reach the first game of the NBA Finals, my green walls looked completely tan with reflected light, and my significant squeeze stood me up on a date (cold feet, maybe?).  As if it wasn’t enough to get anally raped in reality, I get chopped and screwed in my dreams too?  Oy vey.  Ay yi yi.  No worries, since I’m scrapin’ crust out of my eyes at around 5:30 every morning out here in Texas, these dreams are rather terse and lack any consequential longevity.  Regardless, an odd set of REM thoughts.  My eyes must’ve been horizontally gliding in opposing directions; intermittently darting back and forth under my eyelids.

I am a valence electron on the perimeter of the atom of cultural relevance.  Society and pop culture is gradually passing me by.  I don’t seem to keep on keepin’ on with nobody nor nothing.  I just heard about this whole Air France deal a few days ago - and still don’t know all the associated details.  The only reason I even knew about this was because a co-worker brought it up at the plant yesterday.  Then again, I’m the same cat who didn’t know that Lindsay Lohan was switch hittin’ until after she went back to tappin’ her cleats on only one side of the batter’s box.  I am definitely living OTP when it comes to having any knowledge of what’s happenin’ in the world of entertainment and pop-culture.

I just glanced over at the clock and realized that it’s 11 O’ Clock (Central Standard Time).  What exactly does that mean?  Bed time.  Time to enumerate Z’s.  A sign of the current times (no pun intended) and circumstances, I suppose.  I never thought I’d be consistently suckin’ face with my pillow at such a deliberately premature bedtime.  Then again, life on the road doesn’t exactly lend itself to a productively nocturnal lifestyle either.

Buenas noches.  ‘Sta luego.

4:35 AM.  10:40 AM.  Went to sleep.  Woke up.

Am I a minority in only being able to sleep well on weekdays?  What is it about the work week that makes me want to call in sick every day so I can squeeze in a few more hours of sleep?  I was rubbing my hands together yesterday, salivating at the prospect of a full 8 hours of sleep.   I’ve been averaging a fistful of hours of shut-eye the past month or so, so last night was supposed to be my recuperative snoozefest. Clearly, that diabolical plan of mine didn’t exactly come to fruition. I just can’t seem to sleep in on weekends well.  Aw well…another therapeutic opportunity squandered.  No worries.  I elbowed sleep in the mouth years ago out of disrespect, so why should I humble myself and admit that I’m secretly yearning for it now?   Never.  “Sleep is the interruption of life.”   So, I begrudgingly trudge on, imperceptibly fatigued and weary.

Anyways, enough about my slumber trials and nocturnal tribulations.

Kobe vs. LeBron.   It’s THE ubiquitous and unavoidable argument that’s been taking place on every sports media outlet in this country over the past month of the NBA playoffs.  There seems to have been a recent massive shift towards the acceptance (promotion?) of LeBron “King” James as the league’s best player.   Many a pundit and prognosticator now feel that King James has grappled away the throne from Kobe “Jellybean” Bryant.  Do I believe that The King has surpassed The Black Mamba as the preeminent player in the league? Probably.  Statistics don’t lie - and LeBron James owns an advantage in nearly every one over Kobe.  Plus, LeBron james is UNQUESTIONABLY the better all-around player.  Even the argument that Kobe is the greater clutch performer is starting to diminish a little.  Has Kobe’s ruthlessness in the clutch faded?  No.  It’s just that LeBron’s ability to make big shots in the most important moments has so vastly accelerated in such a short time that you have to put him in the same conversation with Kobe as one of the game’s elite closers.   It wasn’t long ago when critics doubted LeBron’s ability to perform most exceptionally when stakes were the highest.  Somebody ought to scrub those scrutinizers’ mouths clean with a bar of antibiotic soap for uttering such blasphemy.  Anyone who’s been watching the playoffs this year should have enough common sense to see that.

Believe you me though, The Black Mamba will not be filing any resignation papers or submitting his two weeks notice anytime soon.  He will not let King James surreptitiously wrestle away his crown without putting up a fight.  A Coup de LeBron will have to take place.  LeBron will have to go to war, head-to-head, with Kobe to ascend to the throne he’s been destined to assume ever since he was labeled “The Chosen One” on the cover of Sports Illustrated.   If these playoffs have been any indication so far, Kobe is unwilling to step aside and allow LeBron’s ascension to being the league’s best player.  Fist tap and a head nod to Kobe for propelling his team to consecutive NBA Finals.   Is there a doubt in anyone’s mind about how excruciatingly intent Kobe is in winning a fourth championship?  He may not admit it, but he intensely wants to shed away the label that he “can’t win one without Shaq”.

It would be a damn shame if we didn’t get to see Kobe vs. LeBron in the Finals.  Let them two bloody each other up and settle the debate themselves.   Couldn’t you see these two bruising one another up MMA style until the other figuratively taps out?

Spike Lee might as well have re-shot and renamed his cinematic hoops joint to “LeBron Doin’ Work” - because that’s an understatement of exactly what LeBron’s going to have to do to meet Kobe in the Finals at this point.   If any singular player in the league is capable of strapping his team to his back to scale the seemingly insurmountable 3-1 mountain of the NBA playoffs, it is The King.   If the Cleveland LeBrons can somehow manage to win Game 6, is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that The Chosen One will unmercifully refrain from applying the heimlich to a choking Orlando?

From the digression, I digress.  So…someone legitimate has introduced themselves into my life.  Hence, the ensuing cakin’ that’s postmarked with shipment.   I’ve come to realize that cakin’ can be quite the timesuck. Would I have it any other way?  Those that know me know that I’m violently shaking my head “no”.  Cakin’. It’s…what…I…do.  So, balancing the time between travelin’ (for work mostly) and cakin’ hasn’t left a lot of time for the blogging of random thoughts and sporadic ruminations.   I haven’t exactly been spooning the wonderful nakedness of inspiration lately.  But…I’ll make the same half-assed, unfulfilled promise I’ve made over the past few months of being more dedicated to this site.

By the way, I’ve finally got around to joining Twitter.  I was hesitant at first, but when a cousin of mine who posses a clusterfuck of tech savvy joined, I knew it was my time.   I’ve only been a member of the Twitter cult…err…community for a few days, but my initial thoughts are rather positive.  I’m feelin’ this Twitter thing.  If the last few days (of my initial exposure to Twitter) have been a first date, I’m tonguing it down outside it’s door after having wined and dined it and walked it home.  Who knows…I might even cop a subtle feel and pilfer second like Ricky “The Man of Steal” Henderson.

At it’s core, Twitter is a relatively simple and straightforward concept.   For those that are uninformed (and anciently out of touch as me), Twitter is essentially a status update.  That’s it.  It’s you paraphrasing your current activities in less than 200 characters.  Others can choose to “follow” you - which is essentially them keeping up with your status updates.  What has been revolutionary in some ways is the transparent sharing of information that Twitter fosters with it’s simple concept.  Things like word of mouth about speakeasies can be shared through Twitter.   For those that are interested (and those that ain’t got a damn thing better to do then to keep hittin’ refresh on TMZ.com), you can even keep up with celebrities and follow what they are doing - if that floats your boat or helps you find your lost remote.  I know that Twitter has been around for a little while, but it’s seems as though it’s just recently exploded onto the mainstream and inundated the masses.   I think the fact that certain celebrities and sports figures have become addicted to it only accelerates and perpetuates its appeal among the commonfolk.  An example of it’s celebrity appeal is the fact that Shaq has even tweeted (on multiple occasions) during the course of a game when on the bench.  Everyone and their preggers babymama seem to be on this thing.  I’m still a newbie tinkering around with Twitter trying to figure out all it’s intricacies.  I’m going to give Twitter a test run over the course of the next few weeks before I can officially stamp it as fa shizzle legit.  Maybe feelin’ it up outside it’s doorstep (“…in front of all these people?!?!”) was a premature move?

Avert your eyes and smother your ears, a geek alert is clearing way and making room in the nerd aisle.

For whatever reason, sometimes the spacing in my posts gets formatted after publishing.  So, for those that aren’t too cool for school, I am a HUGE proponent of placing two spaces after each period.  That’s just how I roll.  Right after publishing this post, I realized that that had been automatically modified and formatted to one space.  So, what did my suspenders wearing, pocket protector rockin’ ass do?  I went back on this post and added an extra space after each period.   Hey…I know…I know…I agree with you…it is beyond me how I wasn’t selected as “Most Likely to Succeed” in high school.

Here’s the nitty gritty, the grimy…the gutter. I am back on my engineering grind, living the glamourless life in Hearne, TX. As has become expected of me the last few months, I’ve been a bit AWOL from this site. I’m sure you folks out there have become accustomed to it. Like I always vow and promise, I’ll try to be more consistent and frequent with posts, but I’ve largely disappointed before, so whose to say I won’t again?

Double Coronary Bypass Burger. Side of taters. Approximately 8 1/2 minutes. That’s how long it took me to get my beast on and devour that. A few friends and I had been engaging in back and forth competitive banter berating one another’s appetite. We were hellbent on emasculating one another by exhibiting unparalleled gastronomical prowess. So, this past weekend, we finally sat down at The Vortex in Little 5, tossed aside nutritional common sense, and decided to settle who was the “really man”. The time had come to shut our faces and torture our tummies. For a little culinary background information, the Double Coronary Bypass Burger is a 1/2 lb beef patty served on 2 grilled cheese sandwiches (used as the buns) with 5 slices of bacon and 2 fried eggs (along with 4 slices of cheese). For flips and wiggles, they throw in some green leaf lettuce. Since I’m a vegetarian, I passed on the bacon and substituted 2 veggie patties for 1 beef patty. It was not nearly as intimidating as expected. I thought that I’d be grasping my colon and massaging my foodbox as soon as I took a few bites, but such was not the case. All three of us downed our burgers and taters in less than 10 minutes - and I felt fine afterwards. I wasn’t exactly sent sprinting to the bathroom to administer a porcelain lap dance. Admittedly, I was slightly disappointed. I thought it would be more of a challenge. Maybe we just underestimated our gluttonous appetites?

The Vortex Throwdown was a perfectly appropriate way to segue into my trip to Texas this week. I swear to you, everything is fried in this state. And what about vegetarian options, you soy swashbucklin’, tofu fightin’ green cats ask? Excruciatingly scarce. I’ve been to two burger joints in the past couple of weeks and the only vegetarian option that either had was a grilled cheese sandwich. Don’t get me wrong, grilled cheese has more cache than the suspenders I’m gonna bring back in style, but c’mon, a little variety wouldn’t hurt. In addition, the concept of healthy food is endangered, if not extinct, here. I’m queasy and exhausted by the lack of nutritionally conscious food they have out here. But…as always, it is what it always has been.

So…I got suckered, bamboozled…sweet-talked into attending an Art of Living (breathing techniques/yoga type stuff) course a few weeks back. Contrary to presumptive opinion, I found it beneficial and informational. I’m largely skeptical on how much of these techniques I will incorporate into my daily routine, but regardless, it was a great experience. I may further explore this avenue in the future.

Franklin, TX. Pop. 1470.

Here I am writing to you cats from the city of College Station, TX (home to Texas A&M University). Every morning and afternoon, I drive an hour to and from my Homehood Suites in College Station to the power plant in Franklin, TX. Word on the street was that I was supposed to have done left already from here yesterday…but…flip happens - as it always does on these startups. These startups rarely go according to plan. So, I fully expected to have my rectum poked, prodded, and expanded beyond comprehensible measurement before I headed out here last Monday. And…as expected, such has been the case.

In all seriousness though, This startup has went relatively smooth. We’ve been fortunate in the fact that we haven’t encountered too many cumbersome issues. This just seems to be a matter-of-time type startup. I can live with those. Anyways, it looks as if I will be able to fly back in town sometime later this week (probably Thursday or Friday). So, for now, I’m stuck here perusing the mean streets of Franklin, TX in search of vegetarian friendly food. I have been annihilating Jason’s Deli while here. It ain’t exactly my idea of a perfect, savory meal - but it’s healthy and vegetarian friendly. I stumbled across a Pita Pit the other day on the Texas A&M Campus and grabbed me a Falafel Pita. It’s been years since I’ve eaten at Pita Pit. My pita was on point. I am definitely going to be returning there sometime this week. As far as Franklin, TX goes, there are literally only a peace sign worth of options: Subway and Ama’s Mexican Restaurant. I have designated both as “wiggity wiggity wack”. But, they’ve sufficed decently enough for the past week (I’ve already hit up both 2 or 3 times). The major pain is that they are about 20 miles from the plant. There isn’t anything closer than that. It’s odd how I’ve become accustomed to the bumblefuck life. Anytime I’m sent out on the road for work, it is almost always somewhere in the boondocks. So, glamour life this definitely isn’t. Such is the grind of a controls engineer. But, believe you me, I got shit and squadoosh to complain about. There are field engineers whose job is to exclusively be on the road. We are talking 90% travel. For example, the construction team we are working with on-site have engineers who have been on-site for 6+ months. All they do is go from place to place assisting on different sites. Like I mentioned previously in a post, I don’t know how they do it. I could not. I love my life in The A. Sometimes, I can grow bored of it, but these prolonged site visits reinforce how much I enjoy my life back in the dirty dirty.

A few weeks or so ago, I went about the process of hiring an interior decorator to redecorate my condo. So, technically, we were supposed to have been done with everything this coming week, but this site visit has engineered a significant delay in those plans. Now, because of my hectic travel schedule and my decorator’s busy work schedule, we may not be able to complete the redecoration until sometime in June. I had everything planned to be completed this week, but my redecoration completion date has been postponed since my time here has been extended. But, we did get my condo painted last week, so at least that is one item on the list that has been crossed out. But, now I’m stuck having to stare at painted walls with no accompanying decor or furniture for a month. I can already envision myself second guessing the paint selection over and over and over. I wish we could get all of this done as soon as possible so I can see the finished product and how everything coordinates with one another (paint with furniture, rug, tables, etc.). But, I’ve waited this long, so what’s another month or so, right? Like I always say though, perspective, perspective, perspective. A lot of folks have it much worse.

Business travel always seem to come at the wrong time. Last year, when I started traveling extensively, I had just moved into my new apartment. So, for the first 4 or 5 months, I was on the road half of the time. Now, in the midst of my redecoration project, I am stuck out here in Texas wondering how much longer I will have to postpone my “Wine and Grilled Cheese” housewarming party.

Anyways, time to enumerate z’s.